“If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that.” —Matthew 5:47 NLT

Have you ever had an encounter with someone who was in a rotten mood before you even arrived in their vicinity? I have a time or two. It is not much fun. Whether they’re a cashier at a store, the car in front of you, or even a usually nice friend or family member … it’s hard to be treated shabbily when you know you’re innocent. Unfortunately, the normal human reaction is to push back. Be defensive. Hurt like we’ve been hurt. Sadly, I’ve also been there and done that a time or two. It has never gone well. No one has ever responded to my harsh words with instant repentance and a desire to buy me flowers. Weird. Anger begets more anger.

We’re called to do life differently as followers of Christ. Reading our verse above the other morning actually made me laugh out loud. Jesus was so … blunt. And, of course, so very right. Anybody can be kind to a friend—especially when that friend is caring and loving. You don’t have to be a Christian to do that. It’s pretty easy and normal. What’s not normal is being kind to the mean, the rotten, and the unworthy. Who wants to do that? Well. We should want to do that. Why? Because Jesus asks that of us as a way to distinguish ourselves from those without God’s love living within them. (And, it can be rather fun.)

Jesus goes beyond mere kindness in the Sermon on the Mount. He actually says to love our enemies and pray for them. How in the world are we to do such a thing? Shouldn’t they be punished for their bad behavior, not rewarded? Well. Yes and no.

Bad behavior will be punished, sadly, if people do not repent. And, if we witness someone breaking the law, we do need to stop them or report them. However, we are to do so without resorting to retaliation, anger, or a desire to hurt them. Our hearts should be for them to change and come to know the God who loves them.

Below are three ways I attempt to do this hard thing: loving the difficult, the unruly, and the rude. I admit that what I am recommending is not easy. But I also want to tell you that when I succeed, it is actually fun to pour out love on an angry person. They’re so shocked! Often, that act of kindness helps “the bad guy” regain self-control and start acting nicely!

First. We need to have a full “love tank.” We can’t give out love if we aren’t full of love. The very best way to be filled to overflowing with the sure knowledge that we are deeply loved is to spend time with God, the One who died for us, even knowing how rude and rotten we can be. I find that spending time reading about God in His Word, pausing in wonder at the fact that I am always loved, and praying for His Spirit to walk with me throughout the day helps keep my heart love-filled.

Second. We need to memorize these verses: Matthew 5:43-48, perhaps not word for word, but the heart of them. I am called to love, not to hate. I am called to represent Jesus to a world that doesn’t know Him. I am called to love even my Christian brothers and sisters when they’re flailing about without the love they ought to have. Firmly affixing this in my brain has helped me stop, bite my tongue, pray silently, and respond appropriately.

Third. We need to remember that there is much we don’t know about the angry, annoying, and perhaps downright bad person in front of us. Did they have loving parents? Are they trying and failing to believe they are lovable because they never felt loved as a child? What was their day or week like before this current outburst of not-niceness? What misperceptions might they hold that have them thinking something about us that isn’t true? When we remember how little we really know about their hearts, we can quiet ourselves and stop thinking it’s all about us. Oftentimes, the anger has nothing whatsoever to do with us.

I have experienced some delightful turnarounds in my encounters with difficult people by simply following the little rules I’ve listed—and have also been blessed a time or two with people treating me kindly when I was the bad guy. Now that’s grace. I am very grateful for God’s grace, His undeserved pardon, and thankful that we are called to live differently so that others see it modeled in us. May God help us hone our kindness skills as we minister to a broken world.

Oh, Father God, where would I be if You didn’t love me? I am so deeply grateful to You for Your grace, Your kindness, and Your amazing patience. Without You and Your help, I am hopeless at modeling any of that to others when they anger me. So, please help me do the right thing. All credit and all glory go to You whenever I get it right. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

You are loved,
Sharon

Sweet Selah Ministries

Vision
To inspire a movement away from the belief that “busy is better”
and toward the truth of God’s Word that stillness and knowing
Him matter most—and will be reflected in more effective work and service

Mission
To offer biblical resources and retreats that help women pause (Selah)
and love God more deeply as they know Him more intimately (Sweet)

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